A tale of Twitter woe.

WARNING 1: Stop reading/looking right now if you don’t like cute dog pics.

WARNING 2: This post contains inappropriate material (as in a dog smoking and the use of the offensive sexist term ‘ho-bag’).

I'm an upside down kind of a girl!

I’m an upside-down kind of a girl!

Blossom McWoof’s life on Twitter was briefer than Tony Abbott’s red speedos. No, I’m not segwaying into politics, I’ll leave that to Ed at the Tunnel Presents… He lampoons with great wit and panache.

Less than 36 hours after setting up her profile, Blossom’s account was closed with the hurtful words “that user is suspended”. OUCH or I should say, WOOF! Twitter needs to work on their interpersonal skills and bedside manner. They didn’t reply to my email in which I lamented this brutal closure and politely requested they reconnect, but perhaps @BlossomMcWoof wasn’t big enough to warrant a reply (with only 3 followers and one of them was her mother). But it was early days – it takes a while to build a decent following…well a week, at least.

7 month old Blossom hadn’t trolled anyone in her short Twitter-life, not even a DOG, but she’d flirted outrageously with Queensland bf, Pablo Escobark.

My Frenchy Look.

I am Pablo and this is my Frenchy Look.

While Debonair Pablo’s Frenchness was intensely alluring, that minx Blossom was also attracted to his drug-lord persona. She’s that kind of a girl – excited by life in the fast (and dangerous) lane…

Pablo - Mexican drug lord.

Appearances are deceptive: I am Pablo, Mexican Drug Lord.

Trouble is Blossom’s Sydney boyfriend, Freddy, doesn’t know about Pabs. So perhaps it was for the best Twitter stepped in.

Flirting with my Sydney  bf (don't tell Pabs).

Freddy on left. Please don’t tell Pabs! Plea to Pabs, please don’t tell Freddy!

Are we bored yet? Hope not, there’s more…

Blossom’s mother is Poppet and there is a striking family resemblance:

Poking my tongue out at random strangers is fun!

Poking out our tongues at random strangers while driving is fun!

Plus we share a penchant for taking selfies:

Love is cuddles.

Is this my best angle?

Unfortunately Blossom has a tendency to be slutty (which we’re hoping she’ll grow out of). Although de-sexed a month ago, she jumps on her brother and tries to hump cuddle him. It’s not as bad as it sounds – they’re not blood related (no incest here). Nate (Nathaniel – why oh why do Pet Rescue give their dogs human names?) isn’t very impressed.

Give me a break!

Give me a break!

Pets seem to acquire more inventive nicknames than people. Matriarch Coco has the funniest repertoire I’ve ever heard. 🙂  And speaking of nicknames, Poppet has taken to calling Blossom ‘My little ho-bag’ (teen-speak for femme fatale). At least ho-bagness doesn’t seem to run in the family…so far, it’s confined to Blossom.

For my next post, I’m writing about flirting (human, not dog). Alana wrote brilliantly on this topic recently. Apparently the definition of flirting is “acting amorously without serious intent”. Watch this space.

Addendum: As I type, Blossom has just wrecked a 5th pair of shoes (my favourite flats). Grrrrr! If she wasn’t so cute and adorable I’d sent her off to the glue factory (as Napoleon did with poor Boxer in ‘Animal Farm’).

Pre-Blossom:

Lovely bead-studded bow.

Lovely bead-studded bow.

Post-Blossom:

Droopy beadless bow, dripping with saliva.

Limp and droopy beadless bow, dripping with saliva.

Do you have a cute or destructive force in your house? Or both?

Joining Trish and My Little Drummer Boys today for Wordless Wednesday and linking with Grace and FYBF.

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66 thoughts on “A tale of Twitter woe.

  1. Briefer than Tony Abbot’s budgie smugglers! Hilaire! To answer your question, yes. Except my two little ones get into foodstuffs when we’re out. They don’t chew shoes anymore however, Pablo likes to steal my dirty knickers from the washing basket and sleep with them. I love the pics of Blossom and Poppet. They’re both stunning creatures. I won’t be telling Pablo about this Freddy flirtation because he tends to shoot the messenger being a drug lord and all. If I were Freddy I’d watch my back as I’m pretty sure Pablo has underworld connections in Sydney and he’s bound to discover this clandestine affair before too long. God help us all when he does.

    • Blossom does foodstuffs and undies too (disgusting minx).

      Unfortunately, due the ubiquitous nature of social media, Pablo knows about Freddy 😦 But what can I do, she’s a fun-loving kind of girl?) We’ll immediately organise Blossom’s Sydney connections to be on high alert. 😉 There may be a showdown but Poppet told Bloss “No guns or knives”…

  2. Blossom is doggy bling, that’s why she has so many beaus! Those shiny beads on your shoes are her vitamins, for sure. Nate looks overwhelmed, darling boy. As for Poppet, tell her beauty obviously runs in the family. 🙂
    Have just posted a Halloween shot of Coco on Twitter for you Lee-Anne. It’s shameless. X

    • Hahaha..vitamins? (I do hope you’re not siding with Bloss, Susan, I’m very upset about those shoes. 😉

      Love Halloween Coco – she rocked in her heyday, still does! X

    • “Oh Pabs!” *blushes coyly through thick white hair* “I knew I could rely on you. Freddy is nothing to me, it’s just I get so lonely with you up there in Qld!”
      PS: “He is a bit loco.”

  3. so cute! Yes I have cute and destructive in my house. I have two children and one on the way. We also have a gorgeous but very naughty beagle/spaniel or speagle). Unfortunately we have to re-home him. Hardest decision ever. Many tears have and will be shed. He never had a twitter account though.

  4. Oh dear – your shoe! Yes I have a new destructive piece of fluff at my house – a kitty. She has been clawing the couch but then it’s our fault, we haven’t got her a scratching post yet 😉

    • No they didn’t, Toni – just the brutal, impersonal: “that user is suspended” and a ‘wall of silence’ 😦 Perhaps they’re morally opposed to dogs flirting!? 😉

  5. Reading your posts always makes me want to get a dog – Blossom is so adorable in all of her pictures. I’m so sorry her account got shut down – Twitter can be so unreasonable. At least you can still share her stories here! 🙂

  6. Oh love that cuteness! Be careful of the drug lord and please watch the sluttiness, and may an instagram account perhaps fare better than her twitter ordeal.

  7. Haha…thanks for the heads up, Johanna! Poppet has organised Snapchat for Blossom but maybe she needs an Instagram account as well… She’s a high-profile kind of a girl. 😉

  8. Hahha – I posted a picture of my friend’s dog Bindi in a cute dress/outfit on instagram and got an instant following from dog lovers all over . Blossom needs an Instagram account and tag #dogsofinstagram.

    • Haha, good plan Lydia. I thought I’d averted trouble by actually giving old shoes to Blossom…silly me, she prefers the fancy, beaded ones!

      Despite all my whingeing, dogs are worth the work! 🙂

  9. Adorable! We don’t have an animal destroyer in my house, but we love hanging out with Bison, my nephew’s SharPei. Much less cute than he was a year ago, and much more destructive! I don’t even live there and he’s already destroyed 3 pairs of shies and my glasses!

  10. How I miss having a dog! But it’s always encouraging to read about other animal-lovers and their pets. After our family dog passed away (at 14 years, and I take solace in the knowledge that he had a good life) Mum sold the family house to downsize and bought an apartment. I followed her because she’s my best friend and she doesn’t mind me tagging along, but once I’ve saved up enough (and gotten a ‘settle down’ job – I’m working in the mines right now) I will make sure I’ll be moving back into the suburbs with space for animals. I really liked your posts and I will be frequenting your blog, definitely.

    • A brilliant idea, Druime – an intellectual Blossom! We’ll prop glasses on her nose and have a few books in the foreground for her profile pic. I hope she can carry it off… 🙂

  11. KILLER cute shots – and really cool dogs!
    I want to invite you to the new home of Wordless Wednesday (on Tuesday) at http://image-in-ing.blotspot.com/ each week at midnight Tuesday, EST. And you’re welcome to share your blog button for your recurring link-up at the page devoted to Wordless linkups – just remember to use your main blog url rather than a link to an individual post.

  12. This has the makings of a social media mystery novella.
    And it truly must have been a slow day in the Twitter cancellation office. Sheesh. Clearly our loss, as Blossom’s tales are worth a worthy wag.
    😛

  13. So cute! I have 2 rescue dogs. The border collie has destroyed 2 pairs of Birkenstocks plus several pairs of kids sandals and crocs lol. She is not a puppy either, both dogs chew up pencils as well and small toys. Just saying all that I am thinking thank god they are so damn cute and loveable… Deb xx

  14. Pingback: My Friendly Stalker. | Is it just me?

  15. Sad about the beaded bow. Poor Nate. Look at those sad eyes. I suspect that the Twitter cut off was Nate’s fault. How is he with a keyboard? Thank you for the link to The Tunnel.

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